An apple once hung from a tree

Awaiting the time to fall free

But it got the pip

When it fell on its hip

And its ego got bruised terribly.

A dear little pony named Troy

Was owned by a mean, nasty boy

Who gave him a kick

Or a whack with a stick

Just as well Troy was only a toy.

A very fine youth from Samoa

Proved to be an unusual grower

Looking down from great height

Said he wished that he might

View the world from a little bit lower.

A rat for a pet is just fine

As long as that rat isn't mine

It makes me shiver

To see its nose quiver

And a chill runs right up my spine.

A rooster who crowed every night

Thought that he gave great delight

He was disabused

When a rifle was used

And his feathers fell out with the fright.

The story of Little Bo Peep

Is the tale of a girl with some sheep

She suffered the blues

When she lost all her ewes

But they came home later to sleep.

I'm happiest when it is Spring

The birds are all nesting and sing

The Summer's too hot

The Winter is not

And  Autumn sees birds on the wing.

A lion and tiger once met

Knowing one soon would regret

For this stranger's meeting

Would be wild and fleeting

In the form of Russian roulette.

A barber, once shaving a client

Who sat in the chair quiet and pliant

gave a cry of despair

At what he found there...

A whole tribe of nits so defiant.

A pansy stood out in the breeze

It wished it grew under the trees

But it sadly had grown

Out there on its own

So it could do nothing but freeze.

Eerie refrains have a charm

As long as attached to no harm

But if with a story

Of theme somewhat hoary

They shatter my feelings of calm.

A plumber was mending a pipe

A hard to get underneath type

He wished he could shirk

This muddy-type work

But pipe dreams are nothing but hype.

Three mice in a pantry one week

For some tasty morsels did seek

They heard a cat coming

Which sent them all running

Whew! That was one narrow squeak!

Shop-till-you-drop is no fun

I'd rather shop briefly and run

For when you have finished

Your cash has diminished

And you are exhausted and done.

A mug and a cup side by side

Each other began to deride

The teasing progressed

Each day without rest

For each other they couldn't abide.

A rattler his rattle did shake

Because he was one deadly snake

You must quickly pass

That old snake in the grass

To stand there and chat's a mistake.

A rabbit went out on the town

Wearing her best fluffy gown

Her strong urge to shop

Kept her on the hop

All day till the sun's going down.

Two dog friends named Bobby and Stu

Lived in the self same avenue

One said to the other

"Come here to me, brother,

I've a bone that I would pick with you."

A shepherd whose lambs all deceased

Was paying for land he had leased

The owner enlarged

The price that he charged

The poor shepherd said he'd been fleeced.

A snowman stood out in the cold

A beautiful sight to behold

Some children came by

And poked out his eye

But the poor thing could not even scold.

Doing some sums is a pain

For my poor brain it's a strain

It's really a sin

For they do my head in

And I mostly must do them again.

Some chocolate sat out in the sun

At first it thought that it was fun

But after a while

It lost its bright smile

Saying sadly, "I really must run."

When saddling my kiwi to race

I know I'll look quite a disgrace

It's not the right sort

For its legs are too short

And I'm bound to fall flat on my face.

An egg which was one of a set

Wished to hatch into a pet

But along came a wife

Wielding her knife

And he ended his days as omelette.

A singer with flu was distressed

She felt that her night wasn't blessed

With chances to glow

In a prize winning show

On that note she decided to rest.

A mongoose on African plains

Was searching for edible gains

But there were not many

He didn't find any

Now all that is left are remains.

A shoe fell in love with a sock

Their mates were sufferiing a shock

They thought it disgraceful

To be so unfaithful

Watching the two interlock.

A picnic arranged for by Sue

In a place with terrific view

When asked who she'd take

Sue said, "Goodness sake!

I pick Nick because he's my love true.

Marmalade's great on my toast

But unsuitable spread on a roast

Everything has its place

Must accept it with grace

And each has no reason to boast.

A little old man we'll call Willie

Had a haircut that looked very silly

Striped red and brown

With some tufts hanging down

And a topknot bedecked with a lily.

A duck swimming out on a lake

Was eyeing a right handsome drake

When the sun beamed

His feathers just gleamed

So she swam all the day in his wake.

A train driver hauled up in court

For not doing things that he ought

Going right off the rail

Was sent off to jail

His wheeling and dealing cut short.

I once knew a very grim chappy

Who never did seem very happy

He cried at each need

Whether drink or a feed

Or when he required a clean nappy.

Open plan living is fine

I'll toast it in extra good wine

But smashed window panes

That let in the rains

Are not such a happy design.

A lovely old recipe what

On cold days would keep us all hot

Was all put together

In inclement weather

And then the whole stew went to pot.

A footballer kicked a good goal

His team scored a really high toll

coming off with the ball

He had a bad fall

So he ended the game on a roll.

A poppy all pretty in red

Grew down by a racing car shed

She wished she could race

All over the place

But was destined to die in her bed.

A boy band was travelling along

Their bus was a big one and strong

But a tree it did hit

The whole chassis split

So they sold the wreck off for a song.

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