An apple once hung from a tree Awaiting the time to fall free But it got the pip When it fell on its hip And its ego got bruised terribly. A dear little pony named Troy Was owned by a mean, nasty boy Who gave him a kick Or a whack with a stick Just as well Troy was only a toy. A very fine youth from Samoa Proved to be an unusual grower Looking down from great height Said he wished that he might View the world from a little bit lower. A rat for a pet is just fine As long as that rat isn't mine It makes me shiver To see its nose quiver And a chill runs right up my spine. A rooster who crowed every night Thought that he gave great delight He was disabused When a rifle was used And his feathers fell out with the fright. The story of Little Bo Peep Is the tale of a girl with some sheep She suffered the blues When she lost all her ewes But they came home later to sleep. I'm happiest when it is Spring The birds are all nesting and sing The Summer's too hot The Winter is not And Autumn sees birds on the wing. A lion and tiger once met Knowing one soon would regret For this stranger's meeting Would be wild and fleeting In the form of Russian roulette. A barber, once shaving a client Who sat in the chair quiet and pliant gave a cry of despair At what he found there... A whole tribe of nits so defiant. A pansy stood out in the breeze It wished it grew under the trees But it sadly had grown Out there on its own So it could do nothing but freeze. Eerie refrains have a charm As long as attached to no harm But if with a story Of theme somewhat hoary They shatter my feelings of calm. A plumber was mending a pipe A hard to get underneath type He wished he could shirk This muddy-type work But pipe dreams are nothing but hype. Three mice in a pantry one week For some tasty morsels did seek They heard a cat coming Which sent them all running Whew! That was one narrow squeak! Shop-till-you-drop is no fun I'd rather shop briefly and run For when you have finished Your cash has diminished And you are exhausted and done. A mug and a cup side by side Each other began to deride The teasing progressed Each day without rest For each other they couldn't abide. A rattler his rattle did shake Because he was one deadly snake You must quickly pass That old snake in the grass To stand there and chat's a mistake. A rabbit went out on the town Wearing her best fluffy gown Her strong urge to shop Kept her on the hop All day till the sun's going down. Two dog friends named Bobby and Stu Lived in the self same avenue One said to the other "Come here to me, brother, I've a bone that I would pick with you." A shepherd whose lambs all deceased Was paying for land he had leased The owner enlarged The price that he charged The poor shepherd said he'd been fleeced. |
A snowman stood out in the cold A beautiful sight to behold Some children came by And poked out his eye But the poor thing could not even scold. Doing some sums is a pain For my poor brain it's a strain It's really a sin For they do my head in And I mostly must do them again. Some chocolate sat out in the sun At first it thought that it was fun But after a while It lost its bright smile Saying sadly, "I really must run." When saddling my kiwi to race I know I'll look quite a disgrace It's not the right sort For its legs are too short And I'm bound to fall flat on my face. An egg which was one of a set Wished to hatch into a pet But along came a wife Wielding her knife And he ended his days as omelette. A singer with flu was distressed She felt that her night wasn't blessed With chances to glow In a prize winning show On that note she decided to rest. A mongoose on African plains Was searching for edible gains But there were not many He didn't find any Now all that is left are remains. A shoe fell in love with a sock Their mates were sufferiing a shock They thought it disgraceful To be so unfaithful Watching the two interlock. A picnic arranged for by Sue In a place with terrific view When asked who she'd take Sue said, "Goodness sake! I pick Nick because he's my love true. Marmalade's great on my toast But unsuitable spread on a roast Everything has its place Must accept it with grace And each has no reason to boast. A little old man we'll call Willie Had a haircut that looked very silly Striped red and brown With some tufts hanging down And a topknot bedecked with a lily. A duck swimming out on a lake Was eyeing a right handsome drake When the sun beamed His feathers just gleamed So she swam all the day in his wake. A train driver hauled up in court For not doing things that he ought Going right off the rail Was sent off to jail His wheeling and dealing cut short. I once knew a very grim chappy Who never did seem very happy He cried at each need Whether drink or a feed Or when he required a clean nappy. Open plan living is fine I'll toast it in extra good wine But smashed window panes That let in the rains Are not such a happy design. A lovely old recipe what On cold days would keep us all hot Was all put together In inclement weather And then the whole stew went to pot. A footballer kicked a good goal His team scored a really high toll coming off with the ball He had a bad fall So he ended the game on a roll. A poppy all pretty in red Grew down by a racing car shed She wished she could race All over the place But was destined to die in her bed. A boy band was travelling along Their bus was a big one and strong But a tree it did hit The whole chassis split So they sold the wreck off for a song. |
